Taking a quick break from my afternoon work session yesterday, I went into the kitchen for a glass of juice. Apple juice to be exact. A few minutes later I returned to my desk and immediately noticed something unfortunate. Right there before me, splattered all over my computer screen and keyboard, were dozens of droplets of saliva.
I reacted quickly, yelling out, “Who spit on my computer screen? Come on, who spit on the screen?” A sudden burst of frustration spread within and I just sat there shaking my head, demanding to know who was reckless enough to spit all over my computer.
Well, the culprit was me. In fact, there was nobody else around. I was alone and so therefore, only I could have sent moisture in the direction of my screen.
Yet my initial reaction was to try and blame someone else despite the fact that there was nobody else around to blame. What was I thinking? Did I think it could have been the mosquito buzzing around the room, or the lady in the painting on the wall or maybe the new Oaxaca cheese I had bought earlier in the day. After all, this was my first experience with Oaxaca cheese and I was not yet familiar with its spitting habits.
After finally admitting to myself that there was nobody else to blame, I had no choice but to accept the fact that there was spit all over my computer. And as I sat there drinking my juice, I began to wonder why I had felt so compelled to lay blame on someone else, why I felt so compelled to lay the blame on anyone at all for such a stupid thing. I spent five minutes trying to place blame on someone, somewhere, anyone, anywhere.
How many hours of our lives are wasted in the pursuit of blame? Just think of all the years spent on lawsuits alone! A friend of a friend of mine spent three years constantly in and out of courtrooms trying to prove that a bicycle manufacturer was at fault for a minor bicycle accident he was involved in. And he lost. Three years of his life wasted in the pursuit of blame.
Would our lives not be calmer, less stressful, even happier, if we stopped worrying about who is always at fault and adopted a non-blame approach to life’s frustrations instead? Well, here’s one way we can find out.
SO IT GOES.
Used by the late author Kurt Vonnegut in his book Slaughterhouse-Five, these three words, when spoken with sincerity, can effortlessly eliminate the need for blame. So it goes. Basically, the idea is that sh*t happens, it can be terrible, but its not the end of the world. Deal with it and move on, don’t worry about who’s fault it is.
Today’s spitting incident gave me a well-needed reminder that I have not been using this phrase enough lately. It’s time to change that, to blurt out “so it goes” whenever I am faced with frustration, no matter what the reason. It seems more beneficial to avoid the blame game altogether and just get to work on solving the problem at hand (such as how to clean the saliva off of my computer screen).
Holding on to a moment of frustration as we search for a suitable person or thing to throw blame upon, can be enough to ruin a day, crush motivation, alter relationships, deny the achievement of goals. And one moment of frustration, if dwelt upon, can all too easily lead to two, three, four moments of frustration and an entirely negative and unhealthy state of mind.
How can we avoid this never-ending cycle? Without placing any blame. Let it go…state “so it goes” whenever you feel inclined to dish out some hearty blame, such as when your neighbor calls you a jerk or when the waiter spills coffee on your shirt. Perhaps even when that man you asked directions from on the street in Calcutta sent you in the completely opposite direction while pick-pocketing your wallet at the same time. “So it goes” is all you need to say. (Although, downing a pint of Heffeweizen or nibbling on a large chunk of chocolate might not be such a bad idea either.) Whatever it takes to get that frustrating moment out of your system as quickly and efficiently as possible without leaving any trace of it behind.
Sure, you could practice meditation, read the works of gurus or drug yourself until you’re in a reaction-less stupor, but the “so it goes” method can be implemented right now and without having to contact your dealer. These three little words offer an immediate and lasting ‘high’, one that will not only prevent you from being sidetracked by endless and unnecessary pursuits of blame, but one whose scent will not cause your neighbors to be suspicious.
I challenge you to give this a try…and to let us all know how it goes in the comments below. Do you think there are benefits to such an approach?
Was it you who spit on my computer? I knew it.
Yes, there are absolute benefits to doing this. I like that you displayed in this post your entire thought process. You say that you don’t have to meditate…..but that’s exactly what you did in that process. You separated yourself from your thoughts and questioned the ‘voice.’ Who is that getting mad? Why am I mad?
I love the ‘so it goes’ recommendation. My mantra in those situations is ‘am I awake?’
Hey Nate – It is true, that is meditation. Thank you for pointing that out. All it takes is being aware and deciding to let the negative thoughts arise and then disappear, without hanging on and being affected by them. ‘Am I awake’, ‘So it goes’ – everyone should devise a simple mantra to remind them to be aware as often as possible. Even since yesterday the ‘so it goes’ has come in quite handy several times already!
Happy holidays Nate!
Great article and suggestions Earl. ‘so it goes’ is a simple way to express letting it go and just moving on. That’s a great attitude to have.
Funny to read how people’s perspectives on what meditation is are so different. I’m starting to dislike meditation more and more as I see it extended to so many life actions and thoughts. I don’t buy it.
Hey Mike – thanks for visiting! As for meditation, I tend to view it as this: if any person discovers a personal method that allows them to clear their mind and be present in the moment, even a short moment, (which I consider to be the essential purpose of meditation) then the term used to describe it isn’t so important. After spending over two and half years in India, I discovered that much of these small ‘meditations’ that people talk about and practice in western society, such as simply saying ‘so it goes’, are more beneficial than the empty words that many of the meditation ‘gurus’ preach. At the end of the day, there are all kinds of ancient meditation techniques, including talking, walking and dancing meditations. So it seems a difficult task to define what actually constitutes meditation, as it has been present in such a variety of forms over the centuries. But hey, I definitely won’t claim that drinking a beer is meditation!
I appreciate your comments Mike and wish you a wonderful end to 2009!
Yeah!
It’s just like learning to just brush it off, go with the flow, and don’t let the minor irritations of normal life affect your ability to be awesome. Although I agree – if you’re having a really rough one, beer always helps!
Somehow, no matter the topic, it always comes back to that ability to be awesome! There’s no sense in letting minor disturbances get in the way of that.
Espero que todo este bien en Costa Rica!!
I find cursing loudly and doing violence upon people smaller than myself helps greatly with stress relief.
I’m told this is socially unacceptable by friends, family, police etc, but I think they’re just showing their narrow view point.
I noticed your tendency towards violence as you picked on the entire city of Melbourne earlier this year. At least you should be completely stress-free at all times given given that most people in this world are much smaller than you!